I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
True college students do jello shots in the library
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
