Where is the hickey?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize