now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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