Kiss
Puke
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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