everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
