I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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