I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize