I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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