What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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