You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so let's talk penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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