whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
