i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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