We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
