I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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