You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Houston, we have a squirter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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