you traded sex for a burrito?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
