Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
