Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
