Screwed.edu
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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