Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
