That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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