tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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