I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
