I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
