Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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