broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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