This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
