i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
