We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
