Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize