did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
