I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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