So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
