I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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