why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
