I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
