all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
