Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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