Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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