The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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