I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
