piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
