M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
