if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have peed in a lot of sinks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
