"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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