If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
