By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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