I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
