Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
