Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
