I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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