So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
