By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
