Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
