You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
