singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
