Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
