Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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