She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
