You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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