All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize