Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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