How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
